As Asian women, we are at no shortage of WHITE men wanting to friend us on Facebook or following us on Instagram and Twitter. Many are actually quite bold and will send you a love note or a message thinking that it will capture your heart. And this is not restricted to just the world of cyberspace. Go into any club, pub or party venue and sure enough you will see WHITE men wanting to buy you a drink or take you to somewhere a little more private.

Now I am not going to go into the theory behind yellow fever (the other side of sexual racism), and of course it does not apply to every WHITE guy, but one thing is for sure, there are no shortages of WHITE men who desire the company and intimacy of an Asian woman. But where this can become a problem for us Asian women, because we feel creeped out by WHITE men, gawking, staring and even approaching us, an opposite phenomenon is happening in the gay world.

It seems that in the world of gay dating, there are no qualms about being a sexual racist. Just take a look at the dating apps such as Tinder or Grindr. WHITE gay men are more than happy to set their requirements, and most of it is extremely racist. How is it acceptable to state No Rice, No Spice, No Asians or No Chopstick or curry. Does it not occur to gay WHITE men, that to make these types of idiotic blanket statements is extremely discriminatory? Or are they just so daft because they feel white privilege will allow them to say as they please? Whatever the reason, it is unacceptable and disgusting at all levels.

Talking to some of my Asian brothers, most have resigned to the idea that sexual racism has gone on for too long and there is no point in really calling this out. And apparently, if you do call them out, these WHITE gay men will deny they are being racist, but that Asians are not their preference. How absurd is it, that defining your sexual requirements on racial lines does not make you racist. As a straight Asian woman who is subjected to the yellow fever phenomenon, I can’t imagine how demoralising this type of sexual racism is towards Asian men, and how helpless this situation is.

So the irony here is that the gay community still faces extreme discrimination and marginalisation at a mainstream level, but within themselves they feel its okay to be a sexual racist. How does this advance the cause when it is WHITE gay men driving the car and using the superiority to make others feel bad? I don’t think this sexual racism is as bad in the lesbian and transgender circles, but I definitely know that our Asian brothers deal with a lot of shit from WHITE men.

But when we talk about sexual racism, straight Asian women and gay Asian men experience this at different levels. Where the demure, petite and sweet Asian woman is desirable for straight WHITE men, an Asian man becomes the scum at the bottom of the barrel for WHITE men. Two contrasting definitions of sexual racism but both can be just as bad as the other. Within the straight world, we have recently just seen the Subway man, Jared Fogle get arrested for his pedophilic craving for teenage Asian women, and within the gay world, we constantly hear stories of Asian men being rejected or being subjected to sexual violence.

It is a wonder why these dating apps have allowed this bullshit to go on for so long. It is to a point where it is almost not worth the fight, because it has been accepted as a norm or a preference.  But I think maybe the tides are changing slowly. Doing a quick search online I found various blog and websites dedicated to calling out and name and shame these WHITE racists. Where this is a passive approach it seems to be a movement which is growing.

Also, it seems that finally Grindr has kind of caught on to this issue, and are putting in some controls to stamp out this racism. They plan to put in filters to allow the user to see what they want to see therefore eliminating the need to be offensive. But this is just a filter and it does not stop the racism which will and still exists. Talking to my Asian brothers, the only way to combat this is to raise our voices and call this out at a mainstream level, and demanding changes and more education that saying No Asians or No rice, no spice, is not a preference but is pure and simple RACISM.

So to all the WHITE gay men, who still feel superior after reading this, let me ask you this:

Is it too much to ask to not be a racist? Why can’t you just define attraction and love to the physique, emotion and feelings? Why even go on a pathetic rampage against our Asian brothers? Does it make you feel good and give you a sense of superiority to treat our Asian brothers this way? Maybe it does, and maybe it feeds your ego, but I am going to issue you all a warning because that is how I roll, so please listen carefully…..

If You Offend my Asian Brothers, You Offend All Asians Everywhere, and we will find you and we will re-educate you, till you recognise what you are doing is RACIST.



  1. I felt the need to comment not because what you have written about is not true, but because in Asia we have a similar phenomenon; in where Asian men only have a preference for other Asian men or someone that is not a “la wai”. I guess you would also call this racism as well. These men are normally referred to as “sticky rice” and they are plentiful. I would know as I experienced it first hand living in China. I was either coveted or shunned because I was a foreigner. What I am saying is that there are two sides to the same coin. I will say that I also avoided dating Chinese men, not because we were ethnically incompatible but more because we were culturally incompatible. I am happy to say though that I found myself a beautiful Australian man of Chinese ancestry, but alas, now I am labeled a “rice queen” and him a “potato queen.” Our community will unfortunately always put discriminatory labels on each other. It is ironic that we try to seek equality yet somehow we are not all equal within our own community…smh

  2. The worst offenders are those who travel to Asia and while there, get on hook up apps and have the nerve to write” NOT INTO ASIANS’ in capital letters.

  3. As a person who cares greatly about social justice and ending oppression, I feel the need to speak up and disagree diametrically with the thrust of this post. Sexual preferences are not “racist” — and to label them as such is a perversion. Should a white gay man feel it is wrong to NOT DESIRE an asian man? Is he supposed to re-wire his sexual instincts to satisfy a politically correct and externally-imposed “norm”? If you buy into this theory, beware – for its logical premises are strikingly the same arguments used by homophobic folks who would like to “educate” the GAYNESS out of you. After all, you’re “supposed” to desire the opposite sex. Beware anyone who declares that you are SUPPOSED TO desire (or not desire) anyone to whom it feels wrong to you.

  4. Benji U are very racist. And the idea for someone like you to to care about social justice and oppression is scary as you are promoting oppression and racism onto other people. The intention of putting a phrase on a public dating app stating an entire group of people, regardless of their physical features and personalities, are not to bother is an act of extremely offensive degrading and a way to make you feel better about yourself while putting down others. So we don’t need people like you to care about oppression because clearly you are the cause of it.

  5. I’ve been to many Asian countries and experienced racism. Korea was the worst of the lot. They were blatantly hateful and xenophobic. They refused to even acknowledge my presence in cafes and shops. Apparently they really hate blacks too. As far as the racism on gay apps goes. I don’t believe that having a sexual preference for a particular ethnicity is racist. However I do believe that the offensive language used is extremely racist and can only be put down to ignorance and stupidity on behalf of the people doing it. It is entirely possible to be much more subtle and less offensive about your preferences. One website I have been on allows you to check boxes for what ethnicities you are looking for so not sure why theses apps don’t. On those apps it can get very tiring to have to keep saying no thank you however that does not excuse the vile offensive language being used. I think the apps have turned sex into this thing where you just check boxes and choose someone by an image. It’s so superficial and so so shallow. You no longer need to actually meet a real person in the real world to see if there is a chemistry, a vibe, an attraction. You now just add them to your cart in the virtual meat market. It’s really destroyed the gay community on so many levels and probably just as destructive with the straight scene. Personally I like beautiful people and that is way more than just about external appearances. I don’t like ugly people and as far as I’m concerned the people going around using this type of racist language are fugly as and I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole no matter how good they might look in a photo. Some of the best sex I have ever had was with very average looking men and some of the worst most boring sex I have ever had was with stereotypically good looking muscled men. The good looking ones are so into themselves that they don’t realise that they actually need to turn the other person on.