As you probably know, President Trump makes a habit of referring to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un as “Little Rocket Man,” a joke that’s almost as funny as saying the word “penis” out loud. Actually, maybe the word “penis” on its own is a little funnier. Since President Trumpy-poo insists on bestowing nicknames which are neither clever nor welcomed, may I suggest some other songs from Sir Elton John’s vast discography (although “Rocket Man” undoubtedly is one of his greatest) which may be more relevant towards a much-needed peace process with North Korea, including this week’s face-to-face summit which will bring two of the world’s most volatile leaders together, to discuss nuclear weapons. Yay.
1. Border Song
For obvious reasons. Both dudes are obsessed with borders. But, as John/Taupin say, “What’s his color, I don’t care. He’s my brother. Let us live in peace.”
It seems Trump is on a path towards remaking the so-called “Saturday Night Massacre” of the Nixon administration, in which Nixon tried to fire the Department of Justice officials investigating him, notably on a Saturday night when the news media is quieter. To be sure, Trump tweets inane shit every day of the week, but I’d reckon the next time he takes substantive action on the Russian probe — I mean, by trying to decisively oust the investigators rather than just haranguing them — it’ll be on a Saturday night right before Alec Baldwin does his opening bit.
3. Circle Of Life
Because who could possibly contemplate nuclear annihilation when you’re reminded of the opening of THE LION KING?
4. Madman Across The Water
Or maybe “Rodman Across The Water.” Same difference.
Because let’s be frank, neither of these leaders are doing this summit to have a lengthy conversation. They don’t have the temperament or the skills. Good God, I hope those translators are on-point.
From that uniquely 80’s musical sub-genre of “Love Songs About The Cold War And Nuclear Anxiety” (cf. Richie’s “Say You Say Me” and Sting’s “Russians.”). Appropriate because it may meet with approval with Trump’s Russian masters, who, let’s be clear, determine everything he says that emerges as a full sentence.
7. Son Of Your Father’s Gun
It’d technically be a mashup of two Sir Elton tunes, but let’s posit that if Trump and Kim can find some common ground, it might be in both having Extreme Daddy Issues, and also overseeing many, many projectile weapons.
8. I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues
…because time on Trump’s hands could be time spent with…Un? Time that, no doubt, will be spent hate-tweeting in Ambien-influenced nonsense fragments.
But, as usual, we can hope for the best. Hakuna Matata!