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I’m sure some of our readers are not Asian, but sincerely want to know what makes all the different Asian ethnic groups unique. Periodically, I’ll write about how each ethnic group is distinct. Today, I start with our Pinoy and Pinay brothers and sisters—the Filipino Americans. You’d think it’d be simple to tell Filipinos apart from other Asians because they tend to be physically darker in complexion, but you could easily be fooled. That person you think is Filipino might actually be a really tan Korean from Jeju Island or a Mexican. But here are thirteen things that are pretty good tip-offs that the groovy dude and/or chick you’re hanging with is Filipino:

1. They will break out into song and dance often and for no reason.

2. When a group of Filipinos gather, even if they are all meeting for the first time, they will break out into a perfectly choreographed musical number–usually to an early ’80s Michael Jackson song (for examples, see my fellow Offender Anderson’s previous posts here and here).

3. They’re the only Asians who suck at math.

4. Unlike other Asian American men, Pinoys have average to above-average size penises (or penii) and have no issues about feeling emasculated by the white man because Filipinos consider themselves to be bad ass pimps!

5. They’re the only Asians who are totally fine if a son or daughter turns out to be gay. In fact, they’d be disappointed if at least one of their children didn’t turn out to be homosexual.

6. When they come over and ask if you have anything to eat, your dog will suddenly freak out and run away (in all fairness, this can also happen in the presence of a Korean).

7. They work as a nurse at Kaiser Permanente.

8. They have appeared on both “America’s Best Dance Crew” and “So You Think You Can Dance.”  In the same season.

9. They have a brother who works in the sex industry. As a female prostitute.

10. They have been mistaken as a Mexican and deported across the border. Twice.

11. They know all the words to the song “A Whole New World.” In English, Tagalog and even Spanish if they have been previously deported to Mexico (see #10).

12. They are related to someone who once sold a pair of shoes to Imelda Marcos.

13. They are fans of Rob Schneider.

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43 Comments

  1. It’s official- You’re a nut! LOL We whiteys appreciate the lesson-even if it is tongue in cheek

  2. Fuck your site and this racist tirade. Go to fucking hell you racist piece of shit and die…oh and eat shit while you die while someone is shitting on your face, inside your mouth!

  3. Wow, Pinoy – what a way to represent!

  4. I’m a Filipino American & I think this is funny as hell! The only thing I find offensive is #13…only Rob Schneider’s mother is a fan of Rob Schneider.

  5. *cough cough*
    excuse me but alm the filipinos I know a great at math

    And some are happy that there kids are not homo so don’t be rude

  6. This whole piece is wrong. It started off wrong in the idea of a Filipino being Asian. Filipinos are pacific islanders. I am half Filipino and hate how we get “classified” as asians. Think about it. Asian means from the continent of Asia.

  7. Philippines is in South East “ASIA”!!! So that means, Filipinos are asians. And there’s nothin wrong bout being asian. I guess your just confused..Philippines is cosists of small islands which we call “kapuluan” in tagalog. But still Philippines is in the Asian Continent..

  8. thomas… ask 10 filipino people if they are asian or pacific islander. you’ll get a whole lot of different answers. i’m FULL filipino. So no, i’m not talking out of my ass. in fact… google it. see how many debates come up. we are fucking unclassified because everyone goes back and forth. asian… pacific islander… asian… pacific islander. dude who cares. filipino is filipino. filipino is badass. so take a chill pill.

  9. LOL! ‘Tis true, we do seems to suck at math.

  10. 14. If you yell “Psssst” every Filipino in the room will turn around and look.

    15. Your second piece of luggage at the airport is a huge “balikbayan” box

  11. oyy, that’s a bit of a racist. wtf?
    filipino’s aren’t dumb in maths. thank you very much.

  12. # 13 is so wrong. Instead it should say, “They can name every actor who is at least part Filipino: Rob Schneider, Dean Cain, Vanessa Hudgens, etc.”

  13. Good thing about this post is (it just makes Philippine people more popular involuntarily). This race is making a progressive impact to it’s adopted countries.
    Bad thing is for the Haters (in the near future haters will be outnumbered, laws will protect the oppressed and etc) A balance shift if you will.

  14. Sa mga kababayan ko, Tigil nyo na ang pagdala ng kahon sa Airport. Bili na lng luggage at doon isaksak ang pasalubong. Nakakahiya na to Eh. Gawain to ng mga ninuno na Kuripot, Matigas ang Ulo at Mandurugas. Kung parents mo ayaw mag bago, bolahin mo na lng at bilan ng luggage at sabihin mo na yan ang uso ngayon (Maniwala syo yon sure.)

  15. I dont’ know what to say… Should I be offended or not? Hmmm… Phil oppa… you’re… mean. T.T

    1. Yeah, I do this often. A day won’t pass without us singing or dancing.

    2. Hey, you’re talking about the PRISONERS!

    3. We don’t suck at Math! Hmpf!

    4. Hmmm… p*rv!

    5. When my mom was pregant with my sis (who we all thought was a boy), I told my dad that I would make him GAY. Boy, the look on my macho father’s face….

    6. I’ve never eaten dog meat (I think). My male cousins ate our puppy, Aiko, though. Haha!

    7. Well, EVERYONE wants to be a nurse! Not me…

    8. Yeah, I know.

    9. Eww, that is so MEAN.

    10. Our names sound Spanish, too. How ’bout having your aunts named:

    Dolores
    Maria
    Iluminada
    Cristeta
    Zenaida
    Brigida
    Lolita
    Leticia

    11. Most of us can sing songs in other languages (without understanding anything) and still love it! Chinese (F4), Jap (JPOP), Korean (KPOP), Span (Mexican Telenovelas), French (Larusso), etc.

    12. If they live in Marikina City (the country’s show capital).

    13. Rob? Aniyo!

  16. You are fucking dumb, get a life.

  17. wtf? most of them aint true! haha

  18. It’s clear that you know nothing about Filipinos, or that you even care how they feel after reading this bs

  19. Read thru the list. I was amused,though somewhat disappointed. It IS mostly stereotypical…but then I suppose A LOT of humor deals in some amount otf stereotyping.
    Being half myself(and on MY DAD’S side…often times it’s the other way),I noticed that there’s a bit of disconnect between those still on the islands(or living somewhere vaguely near the P.I.)and those who immigrate to the U.S.,Canada or other parts of the white,western world. Those who immigrate tend to be a bit more “snobby” and “patrician”(more class-concerned),not nearly as inclined to be either “street pimp” or “sassy,gay urban chic”. Having grown up and lived my whole life in the states(and a huge part of it in the central plains of the U.S.,not exactly known for their Pinoy population),I can say that I have a much more “white” or “Irish-English-German” sensibility and humor(and,no,I’m NOT trying to say that’s better)than what would be considered typically “Pinoy”.
    Btw: I happen to think Schneider’s a funny guy,but his movies are often crap(Thanks,Adam Sandler!)and I think I enjoyd SuperFanGirl’s replies even more.

  20. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!! YOU GUYS ARE GETTING FOOLED BY THIS TROLL! dumbass! -____-
    MORE LIKE “13 ways to fool someone that a person is filipino”
    Im a filipino, but I…
    #1 I do NOT dance randomly in songs
    #2 i do NOT know any songs in the 80s
    #3 Im good in math, never had a grade in math less than B+
    #4 Fuck?! as far as I know! Filipino parents would literally flip-out and beat the shit outta their son if they found out he was gay! where are you from?!
    #6 I do NOT work as a nurse at kasier permanente, im not even planning to be a nurse!
    #7 I can NOT dance! why would I join a dancing competition? -___-
    #5 i have NOT been not mistaken as mexican. and I haven’t been sent cross the motherfuckin border
    #6 i go NOT know the song “a whole new world” in english neither in tagalog, nor spanish
    #7 Im NOT related to anyone who sold a shoe in emelda [who the fuck is emelda?]
    #8 im NOT a fan of Rob, who ever he is @[email protected]

  21. Chill guys, it’s just a tongue-in-cheek type of article intended for entertainment purposes.

  22. I am filipino! I do love Rob, I do dance and sing randomly, and I DO SUCK AT MATH. Crap. This guy is a freaking genius. You guys need to chill out though. This guy is just tryna joke around. He isn’t saying he hates Filipinos or anything! CHIIIIIILLLLLLL 🙂

  23. Bad joke.

  24. Hahahah Filipinos suck!! They are like cockroaches here in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. I hate working with them, they make everyone sick,,Jessica Castro especially is nothing but a smelly little cunt!!! Cop that Castro you filthy little germ! Lito Corpuz,,,you are a little Filipino piece of shit, and Menchie,,shut the fuck up until you learn some english slut!!

  25. You’re racist! Get a life bastard.
    Well, maybe we sucked at Maths but you? You suck at everything. You even suck your father’s dick.

  26. I dunno about you, but I’m a pure blooded Filipino and I am good at Math and I know a lot of Fiipinos that are good at Math as well. You just might be keeping the wrong company buddy.

  27. I’m not suck at math but I am a filipino

  28. And I get mad when childrens are gay

  29. I don’t need to do that I am just proud to be Filipino

  30. I’m a Filipino but…
    I dance with reason (sometimes for fun)
    I do not do 2
    I do not suck at Math
    I had small
    I hate if if I have a gay child
    I do not work as nurse I work as doctor
    I do not join that competition
    I do not have brother/sister
    I am not mistaken by a Mexican
    I only memorize that in English
    I do not sold shoes
    I don’t know Rob Scheneider

  31. Plus I don’t have a dog

  32. I disagree on #4. I don’t have small size.I am pure Filipino and I have a nice one.

  33. Thats BS, compare to europe prostitution in the philippines is not even way close!

  34. Aww! What a racist. Not a nice joke! We Filipinos don’t suck at Math! You’ll be surprised but some nurses working in States actually were Doctors. Gay people in Philippines are FUN. It’s true that we have bad attitudes but so does everyone. I don’t know what was these for but I hope you could be enlightened. May God bless you for you do not know what you were saying.

  35. As a filipino, some are true, like no. 1, but most of the comment’s content are awfully rude. And we don’t all suck at math. And we respect Gays and Lesbians but there are also matters that we need to disagree with them. FILIPINOS are FUN, WELCOMING AN HOSPITABLE. 🙂

  36. @arnie WE FILIPINOS WORK HARD FOR OUR FAMILY that’s why we work abroad. And who are you to tease our english? Do you expect filipinos to learn every langauage there is? FILIPINOS can speak ENGLISH.

  37. This was funny but some were true and some were a load of BS. I don’t think anybody has the power to criticize a race like that but if your a dude that has nothing better to do, then find another thing to waste your time on instead of being all racist.

    I would strongly advise people to avoid criticizing the filipinos because they are known to be very united when it comes to defending their country especially to those who just bad-mouths their race.

    Sure we suck at math but who cares? The Filipinos never branded themselves as smart as Chinese people. And do they really have to be good at math just so people can respect them?

    Filipinos are good people that welcomes every race with open arms. Very hospitable and friendly.

    I may be young but I know that my country, The Philippines, may still be in poverty but nobody should judge us just because we’re a third world country.

    And YES, I am a filipino =))

  38. Wow really? I’m Filipino and I am really fucking good at math, like up there with PHD’s in Mathematics when I was 8 years old. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY PROUD RACE!!! YOU BASTARD! Though I’m sure your a white boy who will die soon of meth and/or heroine so all is forgiven.

  39. I have filipino neighbors. They are horrible. Constant screaming and yelling. Hell on earth.

  40. Obviously, you got no idea what you’re saying rn -_- I’m full Filipino and Filipino is Filipino. Stop being so racist like seriously. I mean like it’s kinda funny ?but most part isn’t really correct…. And BTW when you make fun of Filipinos about dogs, most of them won’t get it coz not all of us eat dogs. Only some of the people who lives in certain province does. Clearly, you never had a Filipino friend who actually lived and grew in the Philippines -_-

  41. SOME FILIPINOS ARE OFFENDED. IT ONLY MEANS THAT THE CHARACTERISTICS LISTED ABOVE REFLECTS THEM. I’M FILIPINO, AND I FIND THIS SHIT HILARIOUS!

  42. Your racist Filipinos don’t act like that or do those things you are racist

  43. Great observation maybe he is gay who suck gay filipino cock and not satisfied.