It may be hard to believe but I wasn’t always the cool and hip dude I am now. Believe it or not, I had awkward moments growing up and made my fair share of bad calls. So to help show that anyone can leave the shackles of pathetic-ness behind, occasionally I’ll post random excerpts from my journal so you can see how far I’ve come.

APRIL 28, 1980
At recess a spider bit me. It was cool ‘cause now I can have powers like Spiderman. I tried to climb the wall but it didn’t work. Maybe I have to wait for powers to work? Then later I start to feel the powers inside me start to grow. So I told my friends to meet me by the jungle gym. I climbed to the top to jump off like Spiderman jumps from house to house. I jumped but fell down. When I woke up I was in the nurse’s office and she said why did I jump off like that? Because I can do whatever a spider can I said to her. Maybe powers will come in tomorrow. It’s like the mail. You have to wait for it to come.

APRIL 29, 1980
Spider powers didn’t happen today. Went to nurse’s office again after I tried to lift lunch table and it fell on my foot. I will try again tomorrow.

JULY 14, 1989
Barry told me that he saw Christine with another guy last night. What the fuck?! How can she be with another guy so soon? Didn’t our time together mean anything to her? Does she know I’m in the worst fucking pain of my life? It’s like she ripped out my heart like that Hindu guy in Indiana Jones and trampled it like a bug.

Barry told me I should forget her, but he doesn’t understand. No one understands. No one in the whole world in all of human history can understand my pain. I wrote her a poem and made her a mix tape today, which I will drop off in the mail after I write this. Here is the poem borne of my heart break:

How can I breathe?
When you have depleted the ozone layer surrounding my heart…
How can I see?
When you have torn out my eyes with your indifference…
How can I live?
When you have replaced your love with cyanide pills…
When you left,
You dropped a nuclear bomb on my soul.
That’s why I cry the body atomic.
The fall-out gets in my eyes.
Come back–
And rescue me from my own private Hiroshima…

I think I’m going to call the poem “Untitled For Christine (The Body Atomic/Hiroshima Mix).”

Here’s’ the mix tape I made for her:

The Carpenters “Hurting Each Other”
Barry Manilow “I Can’t Smile Without You”
Gilbert O’Sullivan “Alone Again Naturally”
Dionne Warwick “You’ll Never Get To Heaven If You Break My Heart”
Journey “Send Her My Love”
Michael Jackson “She’s Out Of My Life”
Bread “Lost Without Your Love”
Madonna “Crazy For You”
Olivia Newton-John “Hopelessly Devoted To You”
Commodores “Three Times A Lady”
Rolling Stones “Bitch”

SEPTEMBER 29, 1990
I took ecstasy for the first time tonight. In fact, I’m on it right now and it’s the GREATEST FEELING IN THE FUCKING WORLD! I love everyone. Whoever you are reading this—even if you sneaked into my room to read my journal without my permission—I LOVE YOU!!!!! I finally see what a dick I’ve been and from now on I’m going to just love everyone and the world. I will alter the course of humanity with my love.

The first thing I’m going to do is atone for my past dickiness. I’m going to call everyone I have ever been a dick to and apologize for being a dick. Starting with that kid who lived next door when I was three years old. I took his toy robot and made him cry. God, I was such a dick. Who does that to a little boy? A dick, that’s who. OK, I’m going to call information and track him down and call him as well as everyone else I was a dick to. I’m going to apologize to all of them and tell them how much I love them. This might take awhile so I better get started now. It’s almost midnight so if I spend all night calling everyone, hopefully I’ll be done by the morning and can start a new day with a clean conscience. OK, I got work to do.

SEPTEMBER 30, 1990
I am never taking ecstasy again.

FEBRUARY 16, 1996
I met George Takei a.k.a. Star Trek’s Captain Sulu at an Asian American media event today. He spoke on a panel talking about Asians in Hollywood. The guy is awesome. He spoke with such authority and manliness. I can’t think of a better role model for a masculine Asian American heterosexual male. He even took the time to talk to me afterwards. He said a lot of nice things and offered much encouragement to this young, aspiring writer. He even told me I had a nice ass. It’s great to get a compliment like that from a fellow masculine heterosexual male where you don’t have to read anything weird into it at all.

JANUARY 10, 1997:
I wrote a few weeks back that I met a cool fellow Asian American filmmaker named Quentin Lee. Quentin’s co-directing a film called Shopping For Fangs with another Asian American filmmaker from UCLA, Justin Lin. Quentin introduced me to Justin tonight. Justin’s a really nice guy but he’s so socially awkward, I can’t really see how someone like that can be a good director. I feel bad for him. It’s obvious he’s never going to make it. Poor guy. I hope he has a plan B that he’s just as happy with.


  1. Whew, glad you left me out…that time we hung around old EWP on Sta. Mon., that bottle of Jack…the leather bar up the street.

  2. Comedy gold right thurr.

  3. Loved the photo from the Spider-Man TV show, which I loved as a kid but probably would cringe watching now.

  4. that was awesome.

    i too, was once bitten by a spider. however, all that resulted was an ugly ass bump on my hand for a few weeks. no super powers reported…yet…

  5. Oh god that’s good! I died laughing from the Jan. 10, 1997 one.

    … and NICE mixed tape btw! I’m sure the one-two punch of poem PLUS mixed tape filled her with such guilt, she has never been able to have a functional relationship since. She is forever living a life of regret…. yeah, take that BITCH!