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Beijing has launched its latest anti-foreigner poster campaign in the form of a new comic entitled DANGEROUS ROMANCE. The comic features the adventures of evil white man, David (oh, that name already makes him sound shaddy), a sneaky predator/spy who stalks innocent young Chinese women working for the state to subtly pry government secrets from them.

And we’re talking real subtle: this guy’s a real player who knows just how to get what he wants using the most sophisticated techniques:

David: ‘So dear, what exactly do you do at work?’
Xiao Li: ‘I’m in charge of composing internal references based on the policies of the central authorities.’
David: ‘That’s great! Please lend me the documents so I can have a look.’

Dayyuuum, white boy’s good!

Thanks to Time Out Beijing, which translated the comic’s dialogue into English, we can now enjoy educate ourselves on the dangers lurking out there.

1. Girl: ‘There is a gathering today organised by a foreign friend. Aren't you trying to improve your foreign language skills? Let's go together.’ Xiao Li: ‘Ok.’
1. Girl: ‘There is a gathering today organised by a foreign friend. Aren’t you trying to improve your foreign language skills? Let’s go together.’
Xiao Li: ‘Ok.’

2. David: ‘My name is David and I'm a visiting scholar researching matters concerning China. I am really interested in talking to everyone here.’
2. David: ‘My name is David and I’m a visiting scholar researching matters concerning China. I am really interested in talking to everyone here.’

3. David: ‘Please introduce yourselves and what you do at work. We can start with this pretty girl.’ Xiao Li : ‘Oh, okay.’
3. David: ‘Please introduce yourselves and what you do at work. We can start with this pretty girl.’
Xiao Li : ‘Oh, okay.’

4. Xiao Li: ‘My name is Xiao Li, I've just graduated and passed the test to become a civil servant. I'm working at the Foreign Publicity Department.’
4. Xiao Li: ‘My name is Xiao Li, I’ve just graduated and passed the test to become a civil servant. I’m working at the Foreign Publicity Department.’

5. After the first meeting, David starts to contact Xiao Li and give her presents. David: ‘You are beautiful, gentle and exceptional. In fact, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.’
5. After the first meeting, David starts to contact Xiao Li and give her presents.
David: ‘You are beautiful, gentle and exceptional. In fact, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.’

6. Xiao Li thinks to herself: ‘Me with such a handsome, romantic and literary foreign boyfriend. Sounds pretty good!’
6. Xiao Li thinks to herself: ‘Me with such a handsome, romantic and literary foreign boyfriend. Sounds pretty good!’

7. The two decide to start going out together. David: ‘So dear, what exactly do you do at work?’ Xiao Li: ‘I'm in charge of composing internal references based on the policies of the central authorities.’
7. The two decide to start going out together.
David: ‘So dear, what exactly do you do at work?’
Xiao Li: ‘I’m in charge of composing internal references based on the policies of the central authorities.’

8. David: ‘That's great! Please lend me the documents so I can have a look. They would be really useful for writing my academic articles.’ Xiao Li: ‘I can't do that! I have a duty of confidentiality.’
8. David: ‘That’s great! Please lend me the documents so I can have a look. They would be really useful for writing my academic articles.’
Xiao Li: ‘I can’t do that! I have a duty of confidentiality.’

9. David: ‘Dear, do you still have to keep secrets from me? I'm only borrowing them to write my academic articles.’ Xiao Li: ‘Oh, okay then.’
9. David: ‘Dear, do you still have to keep secrets from me? I’m only borrowing them to write my academic articles.’
Xiao Li: ‘Oh, okay then.’

10. Xiao Li: ‘This is my copy, please give it back to me as soon as you're done with it.’ David: ‘Relax, my dear.’
10. Xiao Li: ‘This is my copy, please give it back to me as soon as you’re done with it.’
David: ‘Relax, my dear.’

Dayyyuum! Got to take a break here to say, “Dayyyuum, girl, run!”

11. Xiao Li: ‘What's going on? David hasn't contacted me recently, and he never answers his phone.’
11. Xiao Li: ‘What’s going on? David hasn’t contacted me recently, and he never answers his phone.’

Girl, white boy be ghosting you. Told you he’s bad news. Sorry, sorry, let’s get back–

12. Policeman: ‘Are you Xiao Li? We are from the Department of National Security, please come with us.’ Xiao Li: ‘Huh, what's going on?’
12. Policeman: ‘Are you Xiao Li? We are from the Department of National Security, please come with us.’
Xiao Li: ‘Huh, what’s going on?’

13. Xiao Li: ‘What?’ Policeman: ‘David is an overseas spy in China stealing political and military information. We've apprehended him. Did you provide him with internal reference data?’
13. Xiao Li: ‘What?’
Policeman: ‘David is an overseas spy in China stealing political and military information. We’ve apprehended him. Did you provide him with internal reference data?’

14. Xiao Li: ‘I didn't know he was a spy. I've been used.’ Policeman: ‘You are a state employee, yet your ability to keep secrets is concerning. You are suspected of violating our nation's laws.’
14. Xiao Li: ‘I didn’t know he was a spy. I’ve been used.’
Policeman: ‘You are a state employee, yet your ability to keep secrets is concerning. You are suspected of violating our nation’s laws.’

Dayyyuum, that was a harrowing story! Hollywood needs to option this cautionary tale and turn it into a film. Get Scarlett Johansson to play Xiao Li and we’re in business!

1 Comments

  1. lol i don’t know why, but i was thinking about hillary clinton the entire time. release the email server!