Asian men listen here and listen well. It is time to understand what it means to be an Asian male feminist ally. This is important because being an ally means that we stand in solidarity together despite all odds for the common cause, which is to not only to fight white supremacy, but also fight against patriarchy and misogyny. Standing with us Asian sisters does not mean you are weak or that we have you under our thumb. It is actually on the contrary. By walking arm and arm with us, you show how honorable and rational you are as well as show everyone what it means to be a REAL man, unlike the 0.01% who prefer to bully, bash, shame and make themselves look like pathetic whining immature 5 years olds wading in a cesspool of internalised racism, toxic resentments and hate. For this 0.01% they behave exactly like white racists/supremacists who refuse to acknowledge that their ideals are warped and unreasonable and they double down on bullying, fist bumping and jerking each other off – because that is what a racist cult/following does. The sad thing is, this 0.01% cesspool is so toxic and loud that they make the 99.99% feel embarrassed and lose face. The majority of Asian men are honorable, and the majority want to learn and understand what it means to be an Asian male feminist ally.
1. Engage rationally in conversations and debates about contentious issues
This is an extremely important point to make and hence I make it as my number 1 point. If you as an Asian male want to learn and understand some of the issues your fellow Asian sisters face, then listen to us when we are discussing this in groups – no matter how contentious the topic is. If you have questions or if you disagree with some of the ideas exchanged, then come in and participate – ask questions and/or in a civil and rational manner disagree and provide some alternative ideas. Please do not yell above us or try to mansplain why we are wrong when we are discussing contentious issues. Build bridges and close the gaps of empathy and understanding, and the only way to do this is to listen and participate in a civil and honorable way. If you are able to do this, you will find that the gaps will be bridged and our bonds of solidarity will become stronger. Conversely, you will find us Asian feminists will come to your aid and discuss as well as understand the issues Asian men face.
2. Don’t police who we date/choose to spend our lives with
So… the topic of interracial dating sounds more and more like a broken record, as the same shit is repeated time and time again. Don’t get me wrong, this is an extremely important topic to discuss and we need to have that open conversation about it. But please, men stop policing who we date and who we choose to love. Now this is more so relevant to the 0.01% of toxic Asian men, but it can also be applied to the 99.99% to be mindful when talking about AF/WM and AM/WF couplings. Remember there are toxic AF/WM relationships as there are toxic AM/WF relationships, but there are also many of these relationships which are built on love and mutual respect. Some Asian men feel that dating a white woman means that they have scored and that it is the best thing since white bread. So I will ask – how is that different from an Asian woman who says she will only date white men? Aren’t both these feelings – male or female a product of internalised racism? In saying that can we all just acknowledge that there are also many of these interracial coupling which are just beautiful and are due to fate. Remember an Asian woman who dates a white man can be WOKE and be knowledgeable about issues of race dynamics – Asian men (I am looking at you 0.01% specifically), please stop scratching us out all because we are not dating an Asian man. STOP POLICING OUR PREFERENCES!
3. Acknowledge your own weaknesses and your own privilege as men
Most Asian men know their own weaknesses, as do we Asian women, but just a friendly reminder Asian men to acknowledge your weaknesses when you know they are there. If you do not understand something or want to learn more about Asian feminism, talk to us, engage us and be willing to take ideas which you may agree or disagree with. As men you have more privilege in the gender race. Us Asian women are painted with the negative stereotypes of being obedient, subservient and easy to manipulate/trick. We are also festishised and this as I have mentioned in the past is not a privilege but it is objectification. Stop using your privilege to tell us to stay away from white men and stop victim blaming us Asian women for white men having yellow fever. If you can do this, you know we all have your back. Actually, we always have your back – many Asian feminists (myself included) have highlighted how Asian men are portrayed in the mainstream – remember when the whole Steve Harvey thing happened, we all came out in solidarity.
4. Challenge other men ( 0.01% toxic circle jerks)
So I talk a lot about the 0.01% of toxic Asian masculinity, and I stand by my words that 99.99% are not part of this extremist movement. Yes more than 0.01% may hold certain resentments/insecurities, but the majority will engage in this discussion with honor and rationally. One of the struggles of being an Asian feminist is to get people to listen to our issues and concerns. And when we do, we are called “social justice warriors”, and painted with the crazy and emotionally unstable stereotype. When Asian men “mansplain”, or show their patriarchy by yelling on top of us Asian women, we don’t feel safe and we feel bullied and hence we will silence our voice, even when what we say is important. So to the majority of Asian men, please speak up in support of us when these toxic circle jerking Asian men try to bully us and bash us down to the ground. Men will generally adhere to other men and as Asian feminist allies this is one thing you can do which is incredibly powerful.
5. Be aware of the intersections
Remember Asian women face more than one form of oppression in society – meaning we may experience intersecting forms of oppression. And this results in how we face sexism as well as being forced to succumb to patriarchy. A great example is how we as Asian women earn less than men as a whole and we may also earn less than white women who have their skin colour on their side. Learn and educate yourself about these intersections, so that you can come into our conversations/debates with some awareness and not feel that we are doubling down on you. One of our frustrations as Asian women is that we are oppressed not just by this yellow fever fetish, but also by the traditional patriarchal systems which is still strong in Asian culture.
6. Understand men’s issues and know when to push these issues
Do you know that Asian feminism can also help Asian men’s issues? Toxic masculinity, which goes hand in hand with patriarchy, is not fun for anyone and often limits Asian men’s choices. It also means that some Asian men are never really given the tools to properly deal with their own emotions, and hence we get the result of the 0.01% extremists of Asian men’s rights groups on Facebook and Reddit who are just pure toxic and cesspools. Asian men are not sexually assaulted at the same rate as women, or experience domestic violence at the same rate as women. But remember even though the rate isn’t the same it still happens, and when Asian men are violated, objectified and assaulted by women (of any colour) recognise this as a problem instead of seeing this as a scoring goal. Again come and engage with us Asian feminists, be an ally and don’t talk over us.
Image via Everyday Feminism